I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
