Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
