Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize