Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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