we have officially lost it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
