as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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