dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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