I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
