i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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