How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
