I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
