You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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