she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
