During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
