I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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