What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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