We named our party play list daddy issues
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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