Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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