I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
