Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
