You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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