What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize