I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
