there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
