you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize