I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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