remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
