I faked an abortion last night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
