It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
