so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
