make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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