i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
