So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
