Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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