oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
