God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
