She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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