Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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