apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
