Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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