I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
