Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
