Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
