i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
