You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
