if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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