she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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