I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
