As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
