If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
