I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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