i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
