If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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