I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
