I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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