You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
