I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
