She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
