Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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