Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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