i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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