Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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