Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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