My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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