if i can run in heels then i can drive
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
