He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
