just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
