Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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