Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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