It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
