my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
