Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
