Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize